100+ Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud Every Day

If you’re in need of a little pick-me-up, look no further! In this blog post, we’ve compiled over 100+ funny quotes that are sure to bring a smile to your face every day.

Whether you’re looking for a quick laugh or a quirky perspective on life, these quotes will provide the perfect dose of humor to lighten your mood and brighten your day.

Funny Quotes About Life

• “Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.”  
• “Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.”  
• “I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.”  
• “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”  
• “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”  
• “Life is like a sewer what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.”  
• “Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.”  
• “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”  
• “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”  
• “Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise,’ I wash my mouth out with chocolate.”  
• “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”

Very Short Funny Quotes

• “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.”  
• “Why do we tell actors to ‘break a leg?’ Because every play has a cast!”  
• “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it!”  
• “To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.”  
• “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”  
• “I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”  
• “The only thing I throw back is a cocktail.”  
• “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”  
• “Running late is my cardio.”  
• “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!”  
• “I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.”  
• “I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.”  
• “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!”  
• “Coffee: because adulting is hard.”  

Short Funny Quotes

• “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”  
• “I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.”  
• “Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again. But only for the candy.”  
• “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!”  
• “I’m not clumsy; I’m just on my own special dance floor.”  
• “My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.”  
• “Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.”  
• “Running late is my cardio.”  
• “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers.”

Extremely Funny Funny Quotes

• “Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.”  
• “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.”  
• “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the title and everything. It’s called ‘The Art of People Watching.’”  
• “I can resist anything except temptation.”  
• “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.”  
• “I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.”  
• “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”  
• “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, and that’s kind of the same thing.”  
• “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.”  
• “Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring. So I go back to being me.”  

Funny Quotes About Work

• “Behind every successful team is a leader who laughs at their own mistakes.”  
• “Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?”  
• “I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies were after me. He asked which ones? I said: Gas, Electric, and Water.”  
• “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”  
• “If we weren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?”  
• “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”  
• “The only thing worse than being in a meeting is not being in one.”  
• “Teamwork makes the dream work, but a little extra coffee helps too.”  
• “I can’t believe I still have to come to work after I retire.”  
• “They say money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye!’”  
• “My boss told me to start the presentation without him. Oh boy, am I excited for the awkward silence!”  
• “My job is secure. No one else wants it!”  
• “I finally found a job that I love I only have to work 3 days a week… 12 hours a day!”  
• “Work hard, nap harder.”  
• “I told my supervisor I need a raise. He said, ‘No, you need to work harder!'”  

Senator John Kennedy Funny Quotes

• “Politics is like a dog fight: you don’t want to be the dog who’s left without a bone.”  
• “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”  
• “America can’t afford to be run by the ‘C’ team.”  
• “There’s a fine line between a rut and a grave.”  
• “I’d rather have a root canal than watch a five-hour congressional hearing.”  
• “My goal in life is to go to bed every night with no new enemies.”  
• “Most of us are like a garden hose sometimes we get tangled and need a little help.”  
• “I like my tax cuts like I like my coffee strong and simple.”  
• “Every morning, I wake up with a sense of purpose, even if that purpose is to avoid my inbox.”  
• “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”  
• “If ignorance is bliss, then I’m a happy man.”  
• “Success is like a good recipe lots of ingredients, but it’s how you mix them that counts.”  
• “I’m not saying I’m the best, but I’m usually the one wearing the brightest tie.”  
• “Some folks talk a lot, but they don’t say much.”  
• “A good politician is like a good haircut: it’s noticeable, but doesn’t steal the show.”  

Funny Quotes of the Day

• “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit Kat ads.”  
• “I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.”  
• “I always carry a sweater in case I need to throw a game of hide and seek.”  
• “Life is short; smile while you still have teeth.”  
• “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”  
• “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”  
• “If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.”  
• “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”  
• “Take my advice; I’m not using it.”  
• “I don’t need Google; my wife knows everything.”

Very Short Funny Quotes About Life

• “I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.”  
• “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.”  
• “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”  
• “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”  
• “Life is too important to be taken seriously.”  
• “I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.”  
• “My wallet is like an onion – opening it makes me cry.”  
• “Every time I think I’ve hit rock bottom, I find a new level.”  
• “The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.”  
• “To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.”

Sarcastic Funny Quotes on Life

• “Every day is a miracle. It just doesn’t always feel like it.”  
• “My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.”  
• “Life is like a sewer what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.”  
• “If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.”  
• “I finally learned how to approach my problems: You just ignore them.”  
• “Sometimes I wonder how much I would pay to see myself.”  
• “Life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what kind will make you gag.”  
• “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”  
• “I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.”  
• “How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”  
• “I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me.”  
• “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”  
• “Life is a series of embarrassing moments separated by coffee.”  
• “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.”  
• “Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work out; the alphabet has 25 more letters.”

Funny Quotes Short

• “I didn’t fail the test; I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”  
• “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach photos.”  
• “The only thing I throwback on Thursdays is my hair.”  
• “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”  
• “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”  
• “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”  
• “Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again. It’s hard to defend yourself from your own mistakes.”  
• “I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”  
• “An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”  
• “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”  
• “Exercise? I thought you said ‘extra fries’!”

You may also read: 100+ Joy Quotes: Joy is a Wall of Happiness Quotes

Conclusion

In a world where laughter is often the best medicine, these 100+ funny quotes serve as a perfect antidote to our daily stresses. Each quote has the power to uplift your spirits and bring a smile to your face, no matter how tough the day might feel. 

Whether you’re sharing them with friends, posting on social media, or simply keeping them as personal reminders, humor can transform your perspective. Remember, laughter not only lightens our hearts but also connects us with others. 

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